Unexpected Joy

Theres something I’ve wanted to write about for almost a week now.

It seems in the departmental staff meeting at my school, the chair announced that I got into my PhD program.  I was approached by the coordinator of the Soc program on Tuesday, who asked me questions about the program, when I start, how long it will take me, etc.

She was wondering about my follow up plans, to which I responded I didn’t think I would be able to stay in Maryland, because there are so many higher degrees in the state. She started talking about ways of keeping me here , as far as contacts, and meeting people.

She then went on to talk about how the department wouldn’t hire me probably because my PhD is interdisciplinary, and the Sociology program requires a PhD in a discipline but “we could see what we would do”. I talked about how I assumed I couldn’t stay in Maryland, much less Towson, but she said “don’t just give up.  We’d want to keep you here if we can”.

The conversation struck me on many levels:

a) First, just because it makes this foray to get a PhD even more real.  I mean, I’m ready, and I want it, but this is big.

b) Second, it left me wondering if she was just being nice.  I tend to think not, as she’s somewhat socially awkward (as a lot of profs are), so she could have said a lot less.

c) Third, her idea of me staying at Towson. I honestly never considered it.  A year ago, I was pretty sure my PhD program would take me out of the state, but here I stay.  So, I guess anything can happen.

d) Fourth, the desire to keep me.  I do consider myself pretty talented in my field, not to be egotistical, but…I don’t know. It almost seems like one reason to keep me is because what I bring to the department demographically (there are no other black sociologists on full time staff, and in a state with one of the largest Black populations, that’s pretty glaring)

I’m honored, and happy to have the conversation, but I feel like “too soon”!  I am at the very least 4 years away from even a hint of this – let me get through most of the 10 courses I need to take, and then let’s talk.

You go through this point, where you kind of think you know what you want in life.

I don’t think it is gender or class based – I think everyone goes through it.  You have a sense of what you want to be, and how you are going to get there.  So many people dream of being famous, making it big, having their names up somewhere.  That was never me, even when I was a kid.  I didn’t want to be famous.  I didn’t need recognition for anything.  I think, more than anything, I just wanted to be content.  Enjoying what I do, and doing it every day.  To live in a place where I am comfortable and not overly stressed.

It amazes me, the sheer number of people who hate what they do.  They drag themselves to their job and bang out something, all for the Almighty Dollar.  This might be me being presumptuous, or simply being naive, but that shouldn’t be what life is about.  It should not surround an inconstant dream for a Powerball ticket, or the concept of finding some rich partner at some point in your life.  You should like what you do.  I enjoy teaching.  I do.  The pay is nice, but I enjoy it.  I enjoy my full time job.  I do. I would assume most people on the planet would share that feeling about their occupations, but they don’t.

I guess that is what makes it a difference between and occupation and an avocation.  One is something you do, the other is a calling.  I know where I am, and I just, blindly, assume everyone is in the same place.  Ah – more fool, I.

Regardless, you get to this idea in your life of knowing what you want and how you are going to get it.  And then, and then, you are on the precipie of it.  You are right on the border of actually getting it all, and what are you?  Scared.  That’s what.  It seems unreal.  Am I worthy?  Is this right?  All good questions.

That’s kind of where I am right now.  It’s happening a bit later than I thought, but not TOO late.  I mean, it’s good that it will be done when it is, but it would have been nicer, earlier. PhD. Me. Maybe.

I’m trying to not

It’s just insane to me how much of my life is about to change pretty soon.

I mean, of course, the biggest thing is that I will be a PhD student.  I _still_ can’t completely wrap my head around this.  Sometimes I don’t believe it is real, like someone is going to tell me it is all some big fat lie.  But it isn’t , is it?

I’m about to start a whole bevvy of travelling, including Minneapolis (twice), the beach, Florida (again, it looks like), St. Louis, and of course North Carolina (three times).

There’s a lot I would want to say…but…nothing is coming out right now.  I’ll post later. I didn’t get anywhere near enough sleep.  I have to figure out something to do with the students this evening, at least for 90 minutes.  Oy.

Who’s the Doctor???

OMG

I actually got into UMBC, into an interdisciplinary program that allows me to study culture.

There’s a lot going through my head.  I’m still kind of in shock. I’m happy. I’m thrilled.  I’m also trepidacious.  Totally.  I have no idea what to expect.  It totally makes me happy that I got in.  I’m super excited about the opportunity.  Oy.  So I know there will be more to come

On When the System Sucks

Steroids are ravaging cycling and baseball.

Andre Agassi used crystal meth.

 

Okay. What? What in G-d’s name is going on here?  This seems so…problematic.  And it isn’t about the Sammy Sosas or Jose Consecos or Floyd Landis’ that use this junk.  It can’t be about them.  It’s about the system.

Yeah, yeah, I am a sociologist.  Yeah, yeah, I look at human interaction.  But my issue here isn’t with the people that use.  I won’t go as far as to say “they are the victims”, because they still have moral sense, or at least I hope they do.  They know ‘right’ from ‘wrong’.  But if you want to be a ‘success’ in these fields, you have to use.  That’s the unspoken message. That’s the unwritten rule.  If you don’t use, then there are only three options for you:

* hope that you are supernaturally skilled and can make a name for yourself on those skills. Honestly, that only happens to one, maybe two, people per sport per generation.

* wallow in mediocrity and hope your name is enough to get you everything you want.  I mean, in most major sports, the question is ‘can you settle with a mere $250,000 a year?’  That’s what the least paid Oriole is making.  No big name, no articles, but more than enough on which to survive.  But is that enough.

* hope you have one shining moment that makes you the hero of the day.

Frankly, it seems the fast paced nature of our society is such that options #2 and #3 aren’t enough for people.  The world needs new news every day. They HUNGER for it. So, just hitting a home run isn’t enough – you have to do one every game. Why? Because any lucky schmoe can hit a homerun. Nobody makes a Youtube video of that.  But if you can hit a homerun 14 times in a row…now that’s news…

And who cares what you have to do to get there?

I think we’re past trying to ostracize these men and women by saying ‘your body will fall apart’. They don’t care! They are already pushing themselves past human standards by doing the impossible day in and day out.  All for the ever loving dollar. Love of the sport? Maybe partially. But I wonder, even as a sports fan I wonder, how many of these people would get up and do this, even recreationally, if they weren’t paid.  I would hope half.

So you’ve got a system that adores the superhuman, and a bunch of humans aspiring. Seems like a sucky conundruum, don’t it? Somehow you have to get past, rise up, do more. Enter the drug. It helps. You can.

Sadly, I think either one of two things are going to happen:

(a) moral outrage with steroid use is going to hit a fever pitch, and drive down the overall value of professional sports. It will go like cycling; its so tarnished that it will take decades for that sport to transform themselves into something other than the living jokes they are.  Could that happen to football and basketball? Of course!  Pull away all of the money (frankly, who cares about a few million lower class fans) and sponsors and watch it tumble. Completely. Other things will fill the time, and can.  I shudder to think what will happen then….

(b) moral outrage will just fizzle. People will realize that what they want are winners at any cost. If there’s a subset of people dumb enough to burn out their bodies for the populace, so be it. They can clap their forepaws in some amusing fashion for the masses, and when they cannot do it anymore, they fade away.  Some new juiced up youngster will come around and take the place.

Let’s face it, every so often a sport will have a Michael Phelps or LeBron James who are just (let’s be honest) genetic throwbacks that have a set of skills that make them able to excel at certain phsyical activities.  But we know that those things only happen one in a million, and frankly, even their kids won’t compare in skills.  And if you’re gifted by G-d somewhere, I firmly believe you are lacking somewhere else (Phelps, for example, is homely and none too bright- not hating, just serious).

Will society be willing to wait for these flukes? Who knows?

On Who Listens to Rush Limbaugh and Stupid People Need to Do Something When they Run Out of Belly Button Lint

Who listens to Rush Limbaugh? I mean, really.  That man is about as sensible as a gekko on GHB…he really has nothing of value to say.  Are people so disenfranchised with the idea of a Democratic President that they will just listen to…anyone?  It’s sort of like that other conservative guy that seems to be getting a lot of play (obviously of little importance to me, as I cannot remember his name)…these people are just so outrageous that they are idiotic.

And believe it or not, I throw a bunch of other people into that category- Keith Olbermann, Rachel Maddow, Bill O’Reilly… I mean, who really listens to this junk?  How valuable is it to have someone who uses half of the information to go on the attack and prove a (less prepared) guess stupid for adoring fans.

Maddow is a perfect example…as a moderate liberal with utilitarian leanings, I thought I would listen to her and she would make sense. No. She is a shrew.  She is as bad as O’Reilly.  During both shows I got headaches.  I wondered how much intellectual ejaculation people needed to do on the air before we could say they have a problem.

My philosophy about life and politics is very similar to what Greta Van Suestren USED to be; I don’t care what party you are a part of…when you screw up or do something that requires defense, you will be called out on it.  But that doesn’t make good TV…if Greta’s attacking everybody…who’s the “good guys”?  We’ve got to have a “side” that has everything in our best interest.

Listening to any of these pundits makes you far more stupid.  Quite simply, they do.  What people purport to “learn” during these debacles is completely fake.

Oy, I need a valium. Wait, I don’t take drugs.

Being Mistaken for a Student and Other Things that Annoy…

This morning on campus I went to the Starbucks, which has been my ritual for the past few weeks (crucify me later, please…I’m telling a story now).  In the midst of getting my frapp lite I attempted to pay with a Starbucks gift card that I was given.  It was at that time I was told I could pay with either cash, a credit card, or my “student ID card”. I looked at the lady, and pulled out my ID.  “How about my faculty ID, will that work?” I said sardonically.  At that point she excuses herself and states that “everybody is going back to school these days, so it’s easy to get confused”.

Ahem. Hardly.

(1) I swagger and act like a royal jerk. I sneer at student and speak with an affected accent.  Please, I sound like anewscaster. OF COURSE I AM A PROFESSSOR.

(2) What person over 25 in their RIGHT MIND would sign up for an 8 am class?  Even if I were a non-traditional student, I wouldn’t have a class at 8am in the morning.

(3) Couldn’t she just have said “Towson ID”, and that would have could have covered not only students and faculty, but also the significant staff of the university?

Meh, I do not know why this idiocy bothers me; it reallyisn’t a big deal.  Yet, after all that time training to be a professor, one would think I could be recognized….